Marbim beSimcha?

Miri

We, like everyone else in the Jewish world, 'had' Purim this weekend. I had a wonderful time. Jeremy, did not. He doesn't like Purim. He says this is because he doesn't like the things about Purim that are 'fun'. But I think it's something more significant and important, that can tell us something about the nature of Purim itself.

Jeremy

This is true, there are many things about Purim that I don't like: things like fun, gift-giving and -receiving, drunkenness, dressing up and a general lack of structure. I like structure. I had a lovely time on the Sunday morning at the sedate Kehilat Hadar megillah reading. Not too much fun, just a good service and good reading.

Miri

I think Jeremy, and many other people, don't feel comfortable with the destabalising nature of the holiday. We had a wonderful sicha (conversation/informal lecture) by Reb Shmuel where he talked about Purim, and whether it is a hidden miracle or whether it is a random coincidence. I think that whatever your approach, there is an inherent instability that comes with thinking about Purim. It exposes the parts of ourselves we are not comfortable with, and often (at least in my experience) throws up the unexpected (pun intended...?). This is true at least for my escapades in Crown Heights and the Upper West Side on Purim...

On Saturday night, after a wonderful egalitarian megillah reading at one of the Yeshivat Hadar Fellows's apartments, I traveled to Crown Heights in Brooklyn to go to the Ahavat Yisrael (Ahavos Yisroyel) Purim party. This congregation traditionally has people coming into the world of Chabad, and was one of the strangest experiences of my life. I assumed that being a 'frum' party there wouldn't be very much dancing, or touching between the sexes. Neither of those was true. Though I assumed that there would be drunkenness, I also assumed that it would be 'frum drunk' i.e. people would still have some level of control over their actions, and be concerned with being respectful of the other people in their space. This party was a real window into what it meant to let go on Purim. All my assumptions and expectations were turned upside down in a way that was incredibly uncomfortable, so much so that I decided to make my group of friends leave with me having only been there for a couple of hours.

It seems that being 'frum' doesn't mean that treating other people with respect always comes above all other mitzvot, like getting drunk on Purim.

Jeremy

It seems to me a case study of how 'frum' doesn't necessarily mean 'good person'.

Miri

Of course the whole of any one group of people are going to be 'good' all the time. I think it's interesting on Purim to see what is prioritised by individuals and communities. 

And then on the train back, my faith in the potential up sides to chaos was restored. We descended onto the subway platform somewhat dishevelled and disappointed, disheartened by what we'd seen in Crown Heights and how it related to us trying to live our lives as halakhic liberal people. There were four guys in fancy dress on the subway platform singing zemirot (songs) and dancing, interspersed with a bit of beat boxing and using the bench, rubbish bin and floor for percussion. We all got onto the same deserted carriage when the train came nearly 20mins later, and they started dancing and singing even louder than before. I assumed they would be too 'frum' to dance with us or to be ok with hearing women's voices, as they had tzitzit (tassels) hanging out and had shushed us earlier on the platform. But the guy dressed as the Kohen Gadol (high priest) came over to our mixed gender group (with one guy in a skirt) and started dancing with us! We spent the next 20mins or so in a raucous mix of dancing singing and shouting, all for Purim, all religious songs, dancing around the train carriage as though no one was watching.

Jeremy

I do think events like this are very important, although I would never choose to go myself. There are definitely those people, as Reb Shmuel pointed out, who need this upside-down role-reversals to face keeping the structures of our lives the rest of the year.

Miri

And even more than just needing the release of Purim, as Reb Shmuel said, I think the fun and the random experiences that Purim can generate have the potential to revitalise our commitments to engaging with lots of different sorts of Judaism and Jews, from all backgrounds and with a wide range of modes of self-expression and religious practice. I might not always want to dance around with strangers, and think it's somewhat strange when that's how people want to daven, for example. But here it was absolutely the best expression of the holiday of Purim I could have had.

Jeremy

Reb Shmuel would say that you've been an excellent historian just then—closing off the narrative with a message, adding meaning and order to the chaos and coincidence of our world. And this is really the message of Purim.